ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
