I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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