At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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