Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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