the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
