Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
