She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I need moral support for this bender
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
