The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
