he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
