we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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