i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize