During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
