I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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