She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
