do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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