Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
