So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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