he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
