So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
