I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
