he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
