The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
