You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
