I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
