i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Can you bring me the toilet please
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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