I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
