Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize