Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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