a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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