I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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