I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
