you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
