There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
