Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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