I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize
