kristin has been a bad kristin
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The struggles of a small town man whore
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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