Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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