This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
