OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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