Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
