Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
