Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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