i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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