Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
