I think I am morally bankrupt
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
