She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
