He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
