so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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