just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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