The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
