Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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