I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
