You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
