I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
