my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
