I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
