I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize