Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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