got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
